This is something that has been lingering on my mind for quite some time now. And yes I know I'm "only" 17 but if I don't start thinking about this now now, then when am I gonna be ready? when I'm already in a relationship?
This thought actually hasn't been back for a while until now. So here I am just casually going through my subbies blogs (which I love!) and there's a new subby (yay!) So I check out her blog and it's a blog about what happens after her wedding aka the real deal - Marriage life! (check out her blog!)
Ok let me just take you back a bit, just so that all of this makes sense. Ever since I was a little girl, marriage had always been in my prayers. I remember praying to God when I was about 10 or so and asking God to give me thee perfect husband, he HAD to be perfect, you guys this ain't no joke, I was asking for some crazy things yall! lol.
These are some of the requirements he had to meet (Note I was 10 or 11, cut me some slack lol)
- He had to have chocolate skin. -
- He had to have green eyes
- He had to be FILTHY rich
- He had to have at least 2 cars
- He had to be over 6ft. tall
- He had to be bigger than me
- His hands and feet had to be bigger than mine.
- He had to be at least 3 years older than me
- He had to be so in love with me that he'd litterally die if I was away for a week.
- His toilet had to be the size of a football stadium.
Now that I am 17 years of age and a tad more wiser shall we run down the list again?
1. Honestly, growing a guy with dark brown skin was adored in Holland, by all races, having a brown skin brotha' was considered a gold mine... Where I lived anyways.
2. Can someone please explain how a chocolate brotha could have green eyes? I don't know either.
Points number 6,7 and 8 may seem weird to some, but it was a self esteem issue that I thought someone else could fix. I'm not gonna lie, I was fat when I was younger and a lot of the guys in my class were slim, I'd always match myself up with those boys and I realize that we'd look very awkward together, so my solution for the future was to find someone that was bigger than me, not necessarily overweight just muscular to make myself feel feminine. It was a weird stage but this carried on into my teenage years and even a while after I was saved. But I thank God now that he diminished those insecurities. Anywhooo
Yeah number 9 was a self esteem issue yet again! Blah, it's quite funny though (maybe not so funny) because I know a lot of women who are very afraid of losing their partners to someone else. So they wish and wish hard that their partners are sooo smothered with them, that it'd be impossible to fall out of love with them. This is an issue that I feel no psychic, no therapist, no medium, no agony aunt, no tactics can solve. Like if a guys cheating for example, slipping into that red dress he likes isn't going to make him any less attracted to that other woman he's seeing, it just means that at that present time you are in fact all he's lusting for. And that's precisely what it is lust. I feel that God is the only that can handle any situation you give him.
Alright so anyway those points I listed I now know are very foolish. But I also went through a time when I was 15 and 16 when I did not want to get married. Up until that point I was all for marriage.
So me and my friend were talking about marriage, sex, boys etc. etc. (this was before I was saved) and I mentioned to her that the day that I'd have sex would be on my honeymoon, with candles lit and music and all that good stuff lol.
She looked at me as if I'd just swallowed a frog. She turned to look at me with a concerned but slightly annoyed face and said
"Sherida, this isn't some fairytale or some romantic comedy, this is real life". Now I was a bit confused, I mean isn't this was every girl wanted? To be treated as a princess? I then replied saying
"Well, there is someone out there who loves romance and stuff just like I do". Her face was now stern and her voice deep and her last and final reply was "No guy wants romance, they all want sex".
and the conversation died out there. This lingered in my mind right up until about 6 weeks after I was saved.
I was crushed, not in a way that I was angry or sad but I was dissapointed. I thought of all the planning I'd done all my life and how everything was directed towards marriage. I learned to cook very early because I wanted to be a good wife, I wanted to clean more because I wanted to be a good wife, I wanted to love more, because I wanted to be a good wife, I paid attention in school because I wanted to be a good wife. I always offered to babysit because I wanted to be a good wife. Everything I did up till that point was because I wanted to be a good wife. Now that I knew all these things were useless I was dissapointed but I accepted it. I made up my mind that I would lose my virginity at 16 and I didn't care. 16 came and went I certainly was not ready. The main reason was because I still suffered the confidence issue as I did when I was younger. I then said to myself that I'd do it at 18. Luckily God stopped me dead in my tracks. In September of last year (2009) He saved me from my sins and any decisions I was about to make.
Now thinking back to that conversation I had with my friend, I could see where she was coming from, none of us had ever seen a married couple before apart from TV. So to her I was merely naive. But God has shown me sooo many married couples here where I live, as a way of saying 'Sherida, your time will come too, but in the meanwhile stay encouraged with these people that I've given you'.And I have amazing friends who have encouraged me all throughout what I've been going through. Gos truly does work in people for the benefit of others.
Now I want the man that I say I do to, to be a true man of God. So here is a new list I've conducted for now.
- Must love Christ with all his heart and all his soul
- Must obey God with all his heart and all his soul.
Short and sweet. Your probably thinking why I haven't put any others on. Well if a person loves and obeys God, all the other points will come naturally,
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"
"Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself"
"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them”Colossians 3:18-19