|picture source: http://www.manipulator.com/|
I felt a heavy stone on my heart today - A stone I felt I could not lift, a stone so heavy that my veins suffered to carry life around my body.
For the first time ever, I doubted my place in University. I'm sure you've heard of the world's economic crisis, the high rates at which everything is increasing and the high rates of which jobs are decreasing; so in essence lose, lose situation because even if you do get into a very good university, there is little to no guarentee that you'll even get a job and on top of that you've still got all the debt to pay of from uni. But wait that isn't all the government is set to increase tuition fees of each course, that means that courses will no longer be in the range of 3 or 4k but they will rise to about £7000 or more! that means that by the time I get out of uni, I'll have about £40,000 of debt in front of me before I even reach the age of 30! In addition they're also to charge more higher interest for students on high salary, this means that higher-earning graduates will have to pay more than those on low income. All this set to take charge in the next 12 months or so. What someone needs to tell me is why am I, a student with no major experience in life, with not a penny in the bank account, with no financial income whatsoever have to pay for this country's debts? Why is it that because the leaders of this country have failed at their jobs I have to work hard to fix it? There aren't any jobs as there is, I mean nada and on top of that, high street shops are raising their prices, materials are getting even more expensive . So what do you expect me to pay my bills with, grass? Don't get me wrong this isn't a rant. This is rather a realization. A realization that I cannot depend on anyone, not the government and their scholarships, not my mum or dad, nobody. All God has said is coming to pass, I should be worried, I should be crying, I should be depressed and, (as that is such a Sherida thing to do)... But I'm not - I was at first when I heard all these things. But then I cried, I cried and then I cried some more and made sure that it was all released.
I didn't cry to myself though. I cried to God and I could feel Him weeping with me but then He comforted me. It's like He said; "Sherida, you don't need University to survive, you've got me"
And that is true I have God, I don't need a piece of paper to determine my self-worth. Of course that doesn't mean I'm going to stop working no, it just means that my heart is at rest because I'm on Him and not my own knowledge.
Sometimes, just sometimes when things like this happen, I weep softly to my God and that stone that had left me breathless is shattered to a million pieces.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6: 31-34
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
and this last quote says it all quite simply...
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
-1 Peter 5:7