Things I Wish To Tell Myself Now

Growing up is inevitable... I wish someone would have told me adulthood sucks big time. Thinking back I was never one of those kids that wanted to grow up, I never wore my mums lipstick or high heels pretending to be older than I was. In high school, girls couldn't wait to be 18 and go clubbing and drinking... legally, to fully develop female "assets" to woo the guys. They'd fight with their parents who would (rightfully) refuse to grant them permission to behave in slutty mannerisms which they confused as 'grown up'. I never understood the logic behind wanting to grow up, for me it scream stress, debt, loneliness and saggy boobies (no harm intended). I was perfectly okay being the flat chested 15 year old.
But as I mentioned earlier growing up is inevitable. I've seen countless posts where people write letters to their teen years. As I begin to close the door of teen-hood and open the one to adulthood, I almost feel exhausted already (and I haven't even started!)

So before I hit my 20s and look back at what could have been, I don't want to look at my life and wish I would have taken more risks or less risks. I am going to tell myself these things now. Here it goes, I guess.

Dear Sherida
                       First of all, stop overworking yourself. There is more to life than qualifications, sure its a good place to start but don't lose sight of why you're doing what you're doing. In regards to this, read the book of Ecclesiastes more, you'll have a better understanding of why you feel frustrated all the time. Also stop trying to hide your gap when you laugh and forget about that Invisalign, your teeth are unique to you and it is a trait inherited by your father. Don't disappoint him. When taking pictures don't be afraid to show your teeth when smiling.

I know you've struggled with this since discovering how difficult it is to maintain a female body but... Don't neglect your body so much. You're not as fat as you think you are, you need to eat right, exercise and stuff but don't put too much pressure on yourself to get the 'right' figure. Those people that you're trying to look like? They don't even look like themselves! And please make a conscious effort to dress up once in a while - your confidence will thank you for it later.
Take advantage of living in London, you'll love it more when you discover all that it has to offer. Buy that guy a cup of coffee, he really needs it.
Dress however you want to dress, wear that bright lipstick you think is too bright, take advantage of boob-tubes, and shorts. Experiment with eye-shadows and paint your nails every colour under the sun, wear blushers, bronzers but conceal nothing.
You feel like your life is rushing past you and you've barely even lived it, thats okay take it one day at a time.

In addition phone your dad. He's sorry for what he did and is trying to piece things together. Apologise to him for missing all his phone calls. Listen to me, something is about to happen (which I know you can feel coming) that will shake your world. You're going to need him in some form or another. Get to know your older half brother too.
Oh and you have a tendency to be overcritical, stop that. Don't sell yourself short. Try harder to get along with your sister and stop criticising her too. She is nothing like you and probably never will be so stop ignoring her and accept her for who she is.
Read as many books as you can, knit as many scarves as you want, crotchet all the hats in the world while you still have the time because when you're all grown up and working, you won't have as much time on your hands to be as creative.
Buy that dream apartment in Holland that you've always wanted and decorate it with sunflowers. Start your little jewellery line business and fall in love. You're done hiding your heart from the world. Wear your heart on your sleeves, if it drops and breaks thats alright. Hold steadfast on to God. He's the one keeping you sane and you know it.

Finally love your mum more, tell her you love her more. Text her soppy quotes, she may cuss you out in Twi for doing so but she loves it really and she loves you. She isn't going to be around for much longer and she needs you now more than she's letting on. You know how the women in our families are, tough exterior soft on the inside, the mum and dad in parenthood. Take every opportunity to take care of her and call her everyday. Take her to that spa you've been meaning to, pamper her! Also get along with your sister for her sake. Please.

Love Sherida.

P.s Happiness is a choice, don't choose to postpone your happiness.

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