*Doldrums; a state of inactivity or stagnation; a dull, listless, depressed mood; low spirits.
It's strange to see the things that come out of you when you're experiencing an extreme emotion (either end, happy or sad). This evening, as I was uploading this sad-looking illustration to show you guys, I noticed this "vent" I wrote down, just above the drawing. The illustration was done on a different day and I didn't even pay attention to that written bit when I was sketching, but it's peculiar how the two seem to correlate. The drawing is my face on any given day. And if you can read my terrible handwriting, it says something alone the lines of "Most of the time I feel like [crying?] and I'm not doing my job properly" and then it details my sadness of disappointing others. I hope I'm not sounding too downtrodden, because I'm not! I've had some of my worst days this year in a way that I've never known. I've always pretty much been an angst-ridden person, but I've always been capable of bouncing back pretty quickly, nothing a good sleep couldn't fix. Yet now, with more responsibilities and with various short-comings, I find the days stay darker for a little longer than expected. I suppose I'm implying that there are negative parts of my personality that I feel are fast outweighing the good elements of myself. It's super strange, because it feels like there is very little I can [or want to] do about it. So I'm sort of just humming away, casually stuck at doldrums. I'm lazy about fixing anything. Doldrums.
Update: Friday 16th September.
But you know, it's imperative that I do not leave you thinking that depression is looming over my head, far from it! I am a temperamental and dramatic writer (person, I mean to say really), which means that sometimes I write or illustrate things in the thick of the moment, and make no attempt to cover up a seemingly dark post with a lovely conclusion. This does not suggest that what I talk about initially isn't valid, instead it means going back and assuring you and myself that it's okay not to be okay sometimes, but that I'm o-kay...in hindsight. Having a blog means I essentially have a public diary, where I document these things and look back with a clearer mind. Thank you so much for your various emails/tweets on my last post, it's very nice to have readers that care for my wellbeing.